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This journal belongs to someone who people have a hard time understanding. I hope to shed some light by writing in this....
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Oct. 28th, 2009 @ 08:43 am Giving up
It's so much easier to give up on something you want when you have no idea what it's like... I mean, you can convince yourself that it might not have been worth the trouble. But when you KNOW it's fantastic, you can't even lie to yourself.
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Confident
Oct. 20th, 2009 @ 11:19 pm Dating rules may have changed...
I need to stop trying to date women. It doesn't seem to agree withme. Maybe my luck has run out? I thought I was so careful, I was honest, attentive and caring, or so I thought.

I had met A about a week ago, and we hit it off. We went out a few times, and I was hoping we could have a meaningful relationship. It felt so good to have that new romance feeling again.

I got this mail right after work:
"ever since ive been with women ive had a hard time being with men

im just not feeling men anymore
ur a great guy and i want to continue our friendship but im not feeling more than that...
i hope u understand"
(^-^)/

She even punctuated it with a smiley.
read more )
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Confident
Oct. 17th, 2009 @ 07:24 pm (no subject)
Saw a 6 speed bike at Costco for 98 dollars abouts yesterday while there with my friend T and her roomate A. I didn't know Costco was a club, and was surprised we had to check in and be admitted. The deals there are pretty nice; they got a thing of detergent that does 200 loads for about 11 dollars. I was also suprised that the shop workers speak functional English (some of them at least).

When we went today to get the bike, one shop worker decided to give us a unsolicited Japanese lesson. Pointing to the bike she said to T, "Jitensha," in the exaggerated pronunciation used to teach children new words. T just looked at her and in perfect, unaccented Japanese said, "Honto ni? Ehh, Shiranakatta. Sono kotoba wa omoshiroi da yo ne." (Really? I didn't know that. That word is really interesting) The poor shop girl stood there blinking, obviously the sarcasm was lost on her. T gets this often, she told me later. She's been trying to get creative with her responses.

Rides like a dream, my new bike. Should make the 35 minute ride to work easier.
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Confident
Oct. 12th, 2009 @ 09:40 am There's a reason why trained proffesionals execute covert ops...
I made a new friend last night. It seems like my new friend A is being stalked by a group of Japanese guys who have on occasion grabbed her and have tried to abduct her by car. When I met her I could tell why they wanted her- she's a delicate little whisp of a woman with natural golden blonde tresses and at least this night she had heels. So she was the perfect kind of target, one of those girls that become the stalker magnet you often see in movies. One difficult to lose in a crowd. Doesn't help either that she lives down a road that's dark and deserted at night. As if to seal her fate, she teaches Yoga at her own gym. You know in the movies, it's always the cheerleaders, the fitness instructors or cute little asian girls with boyfriends in Holland...(^-^)

So her roomate T (who I met the day before at Kanji class) and I decided that we should escort her home but keep back a ways to try and draw them out, then I deliver a "silent" beatdown. Arriving at the station, we spotted a guy in an army jacket and red and black plaid pants on the phone as she was coming out of the station. He seemed unnaturally interested in her, and as she got to the ticket gate another man -tight blue jeans and tan hooded sweatjacket- suddenly appeared, looked her way and ducked into the convenience store. We slowly followed behind her as she walked down the street toward the bars on the side, as I was counting the seconds. Meanwhile, TBJ guy was behind us after spending a grand total of 13 seconds in the store, and he was empty-handed. I noted his presence to T and I shouldn't have, because she turned to look. From here the mission went to TARFU pretty quickly. A and Army Jacket were about to turn a corner into a blindspot, so T sped up trying to keep
A in her sight. I wasn't able to keep T far enough back though I was trying to warn her not to act suspicious- it was bad enough T and I were walking together, as foreigners we stand out- it was useless. The tension of the situation was too much for her, and she kept looking at our target, eventually spooking him and he ran off. Though waiting down the dark alley near her place were two cars with lights on, likely spotters, but there was no further incident. TBJ guy is apparently not bright, since I saw him enter another convenience store near us after running off and again came out 15 seconds later empty-handed. I've since offered my services as a bodyguard to A and to teach her Krav Maga.


BTW, A has spoken to police several times about it, even went down to the station and was literally laughed at by the police who were certain that no Japanese would ever do such a thing to a foreign woman, especially one over 30. God forbid she goes missing and is found in a dump somewhere, the police would bow and say they did all they could and that it was ultimately her fault for not moving or some such nonsense. Then they'd pretend to look for the killers hoping they'll come in to confess since in reality they have no evidence since they failed to take action when she could have helped in the investigation, and people would eventually forget.
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Confident
Oct. 10th, 2009 @ 03:35 pm Lost in Tokyo
Got on the wrong train today- well, technically the right train, just didn't get off to change to the other train on the same track that was going my way. I ended up near the construction site of the Tokyo Sky Tree, the soon to be rival of Tokyo Tower. They're saying that they want it to be a radio/cell phone tower, just like TT. It'll probably be bigger, drawing more people and businesses to this nowhere part of town, developing the area. It'll probably turn into another Roppongi eventually, becoming a seedy underbelly of bars and clubs. I wonder which will come first, the soaplands or the pacinko?
CA390067.jpg ) CA390066.jpg )
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Confident
Oct. 9th, 2009 @ 05:45 am (no subject)
I swear the sub-boss lady has a mental problem. She can't keep quiet for a second, preferring to yell in her high pitch voice the same things over and over. I yelled at her today while we were battening down for the typhoon/hurricane that hit this morning. I swear for a second I just lost my mind. She just bitches about everything, and her polite speach is non-existent, referring to me as "koitsu" "this guy", which is only slightly better than "this fucker". Not that she needs to show me respect after all, she IS senior.

The veiw this morning of the "lake" outside my work is beautiful. BTW, that's actually a soccer feild under all that water. The typhoon dumped all that rain there yesterday.
CA390065.jpg )
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Confident
Oct. 7th, 2009 @ 04:44 pm (no subject)
8 weeks... not as bad as I thought. Hmm stuff that's new... I started a new job a few weeks ago and adjusting to that has screwed up all my time. I have to get up at 3:30am to get ready and hopefully eat some breakfast before I have to bike 50 minutes to work in the dark, dodging semis and blind people. on the plus side is the place I work is situated in the middle of a bunch of farmland, and I can hear roosters crow if I'm early enough. The proliferation of chickens most notably roosters of course in my area has always been a kind of odd juxtaposition to me. Like here we are in the land of the talking toilet and the pinnacle of all technology, yet we haven't figured out how to work alarm clocks yet.

There's Kanji class tonight. It starts at 7 and I'm looking forward to the new faces I'm likely to see there. It's mostly non-Japanese, save for the teachers so there is NO possibility to meet anyone to date. After all, no one comes here to date the foreign guys. Though networking is always good if properly done. I met 2 people who live near me that I've managed to keep in touch with during the class' vacation time. One is a girl from Canada with whom I would meet weekly to go on bike rides to get lost in the hills somewhere. She even cooked me dinner two weeks ago to celebrate my birthday. It was some noodle and tomato type dish that I insisted on calling spagehetti.....

I guess that's it.
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badass
Aug. 6th, 2009 @ 02:06 pm (no subject)
I have to give it to Clinton. There must have been so much sex on that plane. Think about it, 2 young female journalists trapped in NK saved by one man who whisks them away on his jet... how do they show their appreciation? Sounds like a plot for porn to me.

I know that people are going to say that it was a joint effort on the parts of many in Washington and they are right, to a point. Anyone who has read the news in the past year knows about the aggressive moves NK has been taking. They should also know then, that Kim Jong Il says a lot of things at the negotiating table only to claim amnesia later. Just because the terms of their release were all but finalized prior to Clinton's departure didn't mean that his presence wasn't needed as Kim Jong Il's bouts of amnesia come at the most convenient times. Clinton's air of diplomatic class is IMO, the greatest factor in bringing them home. Gonna be hard for his haters to field this one.

I wonder if Japan will ever see such a charismatic leader as Clinton? The main reason Japan can't get anywhere with it's NK issues is because of a totally liquid state of leadership. Promises made by the Prime Minister of Japan mean nothing because he might not be PM by the end of the week. The current PM, Taro Aso has been in his position since November last year, and both parties as we speak are making efforts to remove him. NK's probably is thinking who's Japans' PM this month, and why should we care? I believe Aso is the 4th PM in as many years, and I would think that if Aso makes it even half his term, the world would end. How could anyone take Japan seriously?
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Confident
Jul. 31st, 2009 @ 03:32 pm (no subject)
I got PSP on Friday, and I hacked it on Monday while watching the Saitama channel's Legend of Sinbad week. 4 days of claymation goodness. I used a 32 mb card (remember when we were all excited about those?) to do it. Now I can play downloaded games, yay. You know I always found it amazing that in this day and age one can get away with putting 234 mb on a 1.5 gb capacity disc and charge 40 bucks for it. Or better yet, 8 mb for the same price.

I love the internet. Remember kids, never pay for software. More often than not, you can find it online for free, or if not that something like it that might end up working better than the crap you would have paid for. Nothing's worse than paying 50 bucks for something and finding out later that with a little patience you could have got it or something better for free.
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badass
Jul. 17th, 2009 @ 01:11 pm (no subject)
Wednesday class is on vacation now until October. That kinda sucks because now my Wednesdays are free again. I intend to use the time to study by myself, but it would be so much more effective to study with a teacher and/or other students.

In other news it's hot as fuck out here. It rained hard earlier and I thought that today might be a cool one, but now the cicadas are back out. If you could see outside my window, you'd think that there hadn't been any rain today as the street's almost completely dry. Island weather is weird.

http://www.japanprobe.com/?p=11416 Some of them are cute, but I can't help but think it's a waste of a good weiner...
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badass
Jul. 13th, 2009 @ 07:11 am (no subject)
I've been using my grandma's bike to get around recently, since my bike has another flat. I got yelled at by the aunt because of it. She was trying to say that it was my fault that I ran over a shard of glass and punctured the tire. I didn't even recall hitting any shiny stuff. Made me feel like I was back in high school. The bike is pretty nice, taller than mine with recurve handles and a seat that doesn't kill my ass. The basket and the handlebars are not as manly, but it's good over long distances.

Actually, I have to prepare for a long distance ride today. I have to get to Matsubara danchi for lessons today at 10 am and it's about an 8 kilometer ride. I wanna go back to sleep.
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badass
Jul. 9th, 2009 @ 07:29 pm (no subject)
I got an update from a friend yesterday. I had been waiting to hear from L for about a month. Good news abound, it seems. He's going to college for computer programming, and thinking about marrying his girlfriend of about 2 years. When he finishes school he intends to buy a house with her in North Philly.

It occurs to me that L always had this in him, that despite his protests to the contrary he naturally fits the mold of committed, (semi-)responsible husband. He was just never given that chance before. There seemed to be no one willing to accept him for the way he was. Granted, the way he was was annoying but given the chance his true colors would show. He liked to play like one who was ok with open relationships and swinging, but I think that was just a defense mechanism for when they would leave him. They certainly always seemed to. This was evidenced to me by the few times his openness was actually tested, and what he did with that. Thoughts of those times make me certain that he will, if nothing else be a loving partner to his wife-to-be. For some people, that's enough.

Our friend K according to L is off the sauce and has been for about 9 months, which again is great news. But according to our mutual friend T, she gets high on energy drinks now. K has always had a problem with addiction, which is ironic because at one point that's the exact word I'd have used to describe my relationship with her. You know it's bad for you but when it calls you can't help yourself. I realize now that I was using her maybe as much as she was using me, though I'm certain that I got the short end of that stick. I allowed myself to try to find comfort in her arms, a mistake that was one of the biggest factors in my coming here. Not to run away, mind you. It was more like a change of scenery was needed for my peace of mind. Too many painful memories in my city. Even some of my good memories took on a painful tinge, a reminder of simpler days.

Still waiting on an update from T. He sent me an invitation to a site he joined a while back. The site blows but I joined anyway just to send him a message. That was several months ago.
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badass
Jul. 8th, 2009 @ 05:17 am (no subject)
I couldn't watch the Jackson memorial in Japan :( BOOO YOU SUCK CNN! I need to find some videos of it to download.
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badass
Jul. 2nd, 2009 @ 12:32 pm Proof that God doesn't care...at least not in the way some may like to think.

In death a news blurb, but in life 'a quiet giant'




By Daniel Rubin

Inquirer Columnist
You may not have seen the news about a 25-year-old woman who died last Sunday after jumping from the second floor of her burning house in Olney.

We didn't identify her. TV got her name wrong. We just wrote that her fiance had tossed their 3-month-old daughter to neighbors, and that the father and baby had been hurt but were expected to survive.

So this is what you missed - a young woman bursting with talent, passion and quiet rebellion.

Her name was Somalie Hong.
Read more )
--------------------------


I came across this article while searching for lost friends from high school. My first thought was that it wasn't her, that the name is fairly common in Cambodia, and it had to be someone else. Even the picture that I instantly recognized as hers wasn't enough to shake me out of my disbelief. Reading the article left no doubt. Last year the world lost an angel.

I went to school with this woman, and I remember her well. If anyone could be described as a star, it would be Somalie. She was a beautiful girl, intelligent, kind and fiercely idealistic. I had a huge crush on her in school. A few things the article doesn't mention: Somalie taught herself piano, and in school during lunch she would teach any who were willing to learn. She was the kind of person that would sacrifice herself for the betterment of others. I think it's tragic that the true extent of her abilities and genius will never be known to the vast majority of the world, and neither this article nor my ramblings here can even begin to express the depths of her works and life. I consider myself greatly privileged to have experienced it first-hand, and to have had her touch my life.

I can still remember sneaking downstairs during lunch to go to the auditorium and having Somalie teach us a new song she had learned on the piano there, or working alongside her in class on a web design contest. Actually, we were supposed to be working alone, but because we had a mutual respect for each other's artistic abilities -and as the article points out, she was a rebellious one- we worked together on it. When we didn't win, she gave me a set of charcoals and drafting paper as a kind of consolation prize. She was like that, always thinking of others.

Why would a God who cares the way Christians and others say He does, take such a bright light, such a beacon of kindness and fairness from the world in this way? Somalie was a person the world definitely needs more of. The thought that her life was somehow forfeit, and someone like that Akihabara guy Kato get to live out his years doesn't seem fair.

RIP Somalie. The world is a darker place without you. I can think of no one more suited for sainthood.
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badass
Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 04:34 pm "Letters that you never meant to send, get lost and blown away."
Current Music: Name- GooGoo Dolls
I can only approximate. I do remember that when I had come to realize there was no doubt about how I felt about you was about this time last year. Only because it happened gradually at first, kind of like a meteor lost in space being pulled in by the gravity of a planet, going faster and faster until there's absolutely no return. I was pulled in by your spirit that flowed through your words, the purity of them. I had never met anyone like you. You're undoubtedly the most interesting woman I've ever met, intelligent, caring, beautiful, strong willed, opinionated; all those things and more. You have a really fierce will that is offset by a delicacy that’s all the more endearing. I know I’ll never understand you completely, but I cherish every chance I get to understand you more. The more I learn about you, the more I love you. In the time we’ve known each other you’ve always been my muse, my source of inspiration. Whenever you were hurt, I hurt with you, and when you were sad, I wished for nothing but your happiness. There’s so much more I want to say, but words fail me now.

Am I stupid because of the way these words make me feel today, after I wrote them so long ago? I can't believe how absolutely I felt to have written them. Yet I must, because the moment I read them again all the feelings rushed back. All the heat and passion flushed up in me like waves crashing down on the shore. I thought that maybe time would make me forget, but if something this simple could bring it all back, would I truly be able to move on?
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badass
Jul. 1st, 2009 @ 11:55 am Places I knew in Philly
I went to Google street view today because I wanted to try and see if I could figure out with more certainty where this was:



It was posted as somewhere in Center City Philadelphia, and my guess was 20th and Spruce. I recognized the Liberty Place Buildings as well as the smaller building in front. The tall brown building I remember but couldn't exactly place. I puzzled over it for a bit, even closed my eyes to think of being there back in the city.

I was actually surprised that the street view for Philly was so incomplete. I mean some of the main streets like Spruce and Walnut were incomplete. There was enough there though I was still able to walk down memory lane if you will. I remember the shop I worked at there on 16th and Chestnut street:


Subway View Larger Map(mouse over for preview)

I remember spending quite a bit of time here:



Borders Bookstore View Larger Map(mouse over for preview)

I have a lot of memories in this place. I met R and E here. We spent a lot of time here drinking coffee and arguing about anime. I also met J here for the first time. This was a very convenient meeting place since it was in the middle of everything and if you came early, or if your friends were late, you could sit and read to entertain yourself. I still have the gift card J gave me for one X-mas from here. There's no money on it of course, but it's still in my wallet to this day. I wish I could say the same about the present I gave her, but that couldn't be helped. What can I say, the girl's destructive.;-P

I also spent quite a bit of time here too:


View Larger Map(mouse over for preview)

Well, definitely not anywhere near as much time as I spent in Borders, but significant enough I guess. In the months before I went to Japan I would walk past this place occasionally and look up at it in nostalgia. Strange, how even though it's just a picture and it's been more than a year, all the thoughts and feelings that come back as though it were yesterday.

I couldn't find a street view of The Good Dog, a great bar I used to go with J to shoot pool and one particularly long night of darts and a place I wrote about in a previous entry (which I can't find). Though I did find the place I went to meet J the first time we went to The Good Dog:



The Happy Rooster View Larger Map(mouse over for preview)

I still remember the drink she had ordered while she waited for me. It was a sweet peachy concoction with a light pink color. I had gone to the place a few times before for my friend JH's Karaoke DJ gigs, but I didn't go often because the place was ridiculously small for the crowds that he drew when he DJed. In fact, that day J and I met up there JH was supposed to be there but he had a private gig booked somewhere and didn't show.

Another place my friend JH used to DJ:



The Locust Bar View Larger Map(mouse over for preview)


This was the place my friends and I would go almost every Sunday for Karaoke. The people that came here were usually had very good voices and JH's system was second to none. It was here I discovered my love of performing in front of people. Lots of memories in these places.... Lot of scars...and a lot of good things too.
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badass
Jun. 29th, 2009 @ 11:00 pm (no subject)
I can't help but wonder if I said or did something obnoxious 2 weeks ago on my "date". I mean, I haven't heard anything from K since. I guess she could just be busy. Though she said she wasn't interested in dating, I thought we might at least continue our lessons.

Ah, it wouldn't be the first time a girl has "lost" my number after a night out with me. Sounds like I might be a jerk. (-.-;) I'd like to think I'm not, but maybe I don't really know. Actually, now that I think about it, one girl broke up with me because I was "too nice". Maybe I should find a middleground somewhere between opening doors and suggestions of positions.
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Confident
Jun. 26th, 2009 @ 06:50 pm Writer's Block: RIP Michael Jackson

In honor of the King of Pop: What is your favorite Michael Jackson song?

Submitted By [info]deathbylies


View 509 Answers



Michael Jackson was a Legend. You know there are those psych tests that ask you to describe someone in 3 words and people always have trouble finding 3 that fully describe someone. Michael Jackson was the only guy I can think of who can be summed up in that one word. Aside from of course religious figures, but that's a different category altogether.

I mean with the charities he funded, to the sheer brilliance of his music, the world will indeed be a lesser place without him.

I remember listening to Howard Stern one morning a few years ago, and Howard played a clip from the studio when Michael was writing Billy Jean. It was amazing. He had started out with the basic bass arrangement (little known fact that Michael couldn't actually play an instrument, but he still wrote his music)in the song and he was just humming along, no real words yet, just messing around. I listened with bated breath as I knew what was coming. I was listening to the birth of one of his greatest hits. As he started to form the words "Billy Jean", transforming the humming into solid words, my heart skipped. It was pure genius, in like 30 seconds he had created audio gold, from nothing but a heavy back bass and drum.

Despite the fact that Michael Jackson has had dozens of number ones and achieved world-wide recognition for that, the media here only seems to remember Thriller. No matter what, if they talk about Micheal on TV here they have to mention Thriller. They play the music in the background speak if it like it's the only thing he's ever done and they play the video. As a fan, this disturbs me greatly. They did a 15 minute piece on him this morning and they played the SAME Thriller video clip 7 times. Seeing as the piece was so long, they couldn't very well play just that clip for the whole 15 minutes, so after the first 3 times they played the clip they played a clip from "Beat It" and "Bad". They alternated between these 3 until the piece was over. BTW I only saw this one channel, every other news thought it was more important to stuff their faces with food. Though that was this morning, I hope the other networks just saw fit to put together a more fitting tribute later.

He was a Legend, and when referring to him I think it should always be capitalized.

Did you have a favorite MJ song?
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badass
Jun. 24th, 2009 @ 10:08 pm (no subject)
I had to download a new codec pack for my computer because a program I deleted took all of my codecs off. I couldn't even play avi vids. Well now I have almost every codec in existence. :)

My friend J was telling me today about a group date she went on with our other friends on Sunday. Usually such outings end in drunkenness and property destruction, I'm told. This was an exception apparently, as it didn't really last that long to get to that point as the guys slinked out of the room unnoticed when the girls were talking to some other guys, recommending a club nearby.

"I turned around for a second to tell these guys a good place to go since they had asked," J started. "I turned around, and they were gone."

Seems like the guys they were with wanted to be babysat. I remember similar nights out in the States, where I had to babysit a few friends. I would turn around one second and bam, "Where's K? I hope she didn't wander outside again with that beer can/bottle/whiskey." I never had any bail money on me, so keeping friends out of trouble with the law was imperative. Hmm, now that I think of it I guess it's actually kinda different. Being a good friend Is a hard job...
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badass
Jun. 23rd, 2009 @ 11:25 pm Policy of Truth
From now on, I'm going to lie and say I'm a doctor when new people ask me what my job is. Telling people that I have no job right now and am looking for one causes people to say stupid things. I got called a "vagabond" by my teacher when I told her I was currently looking for a job.

I'd like to tell them I was a victim of the economic slowdown and the ever-present xenophobia in Japanese society, but that would cause more confusion and stupidity. The lack of critical thinking that runs rampant would make most answer to the complaint that there aren't enough jobs with the catchall "ganbatte" or "work hard". Really, work hard? Thank you for such wonderful advice. I never would have thought of that one myself. Sad thing is, you're culturally obligated to thank them for such vague advice. For that matter, no one knows what ganbatte-ing entails- just something you say with almost no meaning, like "bless you" to a sneeze.

Of course you can't say xenophobia exists either as a reason, because it simply isn't true. Being turned down because your name is too foreign and therefore difficult to pronounce at a job you otherwise qualify for couldn't possibly be xenophobia. In fact, stuff like that falls under another catchall, "shoganai" or "it can't be helped". It something people here love to say when they don't want to change something or they don't want to explain something. "You got robbed in front of the police station at lunchtime? Shoganai!" I think I might use it to my advantage. "You don't believe I'm a crack diagnostician with a bum leg and a Watson fetish? Shoganai."
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Confident